PAULA DEEN CAUGHT EATING A CHEESEBURGER

I mean FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!
A) People all over the world are dying from one random thing or another, wars, famine, disease.
B) ITS PAULA FUCKING DEEN! WHO GIVES A DAMN WHAT SHE’S EATING!
C) I could put something else here but ITS PAULA FUCKING DEEN!!!!
D) There’s enough news going on right outside my door that could be reported on, but no lets bitch about Paula Deen.

Like Jesus H Christ already, no one bitches when Aretha Franklin eats something. No one bitches when Rosey O’Donnell eats something. No one bitches when Roseanne Barr eats something. Need I continue? People are heavy, people are fat, people fucking eat! So what!  So she’s diabetic, what she eats is her own damn problem, her own damn choice. How do these nosey bastards know that’s not gluten-free buns? They probably weren’t, and she HAD FRIES!!!!!!!! *claps hands over face like Macaulay Culkin* OH MY GOD! Why don’t we just tie a rock to her and throw her in a lake and see if the witch floats!?? THIS makes headlines? THIS is responsible reporting?! OHHHH the humanity. Sorry guys, but I gotta speak my mind. Yes she’s evil, with her touting of high carbohydrates with a side of high cholesterol diets, all with extra cheese. But when a bitch can’t even eat a cheeseburger without it becoming a national crisis, there’s seriously something the fuck wrong with this world in general.

Learn to swim, fuckers. I’m beginning to wish the Mayans were right.

http://www.wix.com/lauryscarbro/redpillsandrabbitholes

Everything’s set up, just a matter of adding more content and keeping things somewhat relevant. Thank god for randomness otherwise I’d be screwed on the whole concept of relevancy. In other news, short stories are going to be considerably random for awhile, once I get those started, which I’m planning to work on later today. I located a site that gives writing prompts, and if that doesn’t work to get the creative writing juices flowing, I’m honestly not sure what would. I had one awhile back (and when I say awhile, it was welllllll before we got our house, so actually several years), in which I was given the suggestion based on something that sounded like something from Stargate. The bit that I had written, which is long gone, was one of my favorite things I’ve written, it was freeform, everything just flowed. That’s where the trouble comes in, it was a derivative fan-based work, created off something that had been created by someone else. An entire world, galaxies even, with races of people and languages that exist and some that don’t. And I find myself wondering if that’s where I balk at the idea of pushing forward with writing. What is there to be afraid of? Nothing. George Lucas did it. Hundreds if not thousands of other writers..novelists and screenplay writers alike, have created new worlds and new languages. And people really love an immersive world that they can lose themselves in, if even just for an hour a day. That’s the whole draw of the Star Wars universe.. Star Trek.. Harry Potter.. Lord of the Rings.. Hell even World of Warcraft. So thats the direction I’m taking. If I’m going to write something, I’m going to go all out, create every aspect of it, rather than be limited to the confines of knowledge, research and the universe as we know it to be now. This should be interesting.

And now for the bragging moment.. I’ve often worried that my parenting abilities are not exactly conventional.. where some parents will be strict, I’m rather lenient, and vice versa. I’m not exactly the most consistent except when it comes to the basics.. lying, stealing, etc. The typical “thou shalt not”s I was raised on. That’s not to say the theory is working, Dale and Bradley are constantly taking things that belong to the rest of us.. lying (even though they have never, not ONCE, lied and gotten away with it because I can always tell when I’m being lied to) etc etc. But this week I was surprised on more than one occasion by my oldest, Brandon. Not only is this child not afraid to state his opinions, but he’s not willing to sit by and allow himself to be walked on by pretentious bitches who think they’re better than anyone else. While it bothers me that he severed ties with this friend of his from school, whom he has been friends with for several years, I would much rather he cut her off and out of his life than to keep her around and continue to feel bad about himself. On a less personal note, his opinions in the areas of politics and current events is much more informed and intuitive than I once thought. I had not realized how intellectual he has become, I knew he was smart, but to see the little boy who once ran headfirst into a concrete pillar and laughed it off, the child who fell in the apartment parking lot as a toddler and busted his head clear open.. the kid who would come in and tell stories of how he was picked on that given day because he wasn’t “like everyone else”.. I use to fear the day he would move out and have to live a life of his own. How would this kid make it in the world? Would he ever be ready to do it? None of us are ever really “ready”, but I have no doubts at all that he will be able to do it, and do it successfully no matter what direction his life takes. I’m sure he will make mistakes, I’m sure I will probably not agree or approve of every decision or choice he makes with how he lives his life. But he will not be one to allow everyone else to rule his life. HE will be the master of his own fate, the master of his own destiny. And knowing that I helped to create the person he has become makes me the proudest mother in the world.

What if… SOPA passes? What if they get their way? Let’s do a little math, shall we?

NDAA for 2012 was passed, WITH the same features that our Commander in Chief stated he would veto if those features remained as they were. It is now a law. It declares that ANYONE who is deemed an enemy of the country can be held without trial indefinitely and essentially declares war on anyone who might not agree with how things are run. Ok, sure, no problem. Lets overlook the fact that this little gem was tucked in, decided on, the whole 9, without so much as a glance or mention by the majority of the country.

Then we have SOPA/PIPA rearing its ugly head. We’ve known about this  for quite some time. Now, one of the great things about the Constitution, is our right to freedom of speech. We are suppose to be allowed to speak what’s on our mind without fear of repercussion or persecution by our government and law officials. This does not include acts of slander, or hate speech, etc. As I understand it, what this act will do is to hinder our transferrence of information, rather than do as it was intended to do and stop online piracy.

So… what you have here, is the revocation of habeas corpus, and the modern day equivalent of a book burning.

In 1775, colonists of this nation took up arms to declare their freedom from oppression. Those battles were fought and won with the lives and blood of a people who would not sit idly by and allow a tyrannical rule. In 1860, southerners, with the state of South Carolina at the head, took up arms against their own country.. against their brothers, uncles, fathers, neighbors… NOT in defense of slavery, but in defense of state’s rights vs. a government that sought too much power. In 1940, men of all nations rose up together to put a stop to a psychpathic dictator hellbent on world domination. It started slow, sure. And the United States did not get involved in an official capacity until the attack on Pearl Harbor, but nonetheless we did get involved. The purpose of this little history lesson, in its very condensed form, is to show that in times of conflict, people will not tolerate having their rights, their freedom infringed upon. People will fight and die for what they believe in. Even if they do not win, every person who stands up for what they believe to be right and true, has served their purpose in this life. What we have lost sight of here, is the statement that led me to my love of history.. “Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it”.

At the end of the day, they can try to control the flow of information. They can try to control what people do, what they say and how they think. But as we all know..

Do or do not. There is no try.
And I happen to believe that they can try all they like, in the end, people will not cave so easily.

And so this leads me into today’s little life lesson.. I don’t want to stab myself or harm myself in order to achieve any goal I might set for myself, but if we were to take anything from the “moral” of the story as it were, I would say that the lesson to be learned is to let yourself go. Be fearless in the face of the inevitable. Accept what is, what was and what cannot be, embrace what will be, and then, maybe just maybe, we too can be free to enjoy what life has to offer. If what you are is not who or what you wish to be, make the metamorphosis happen. Take whatever steps are necessary to bring about the changes. Throw yourself into the arms of the crazy French crossdressing guy from “Elizabeth”.

Or don’t. He’s just creepy.

In this movie, the guy “Lorenzo” looks as a child on Christmas day when he realizes his Claire has returned, and they have a second chance. Subplot shows the main character, Sophie and Charlie, with a blossoming romance that cannot be fully realized until Sophie lets go of her fiance, Victor. Ok, that’s all fine and great, and I know beforehand that true love will win out, yet and still I sit here crying like a bitch when she leaves Charlie behind to return to Victor and her home in NY. Later she leaves Victor, goes to the wedding of Lorenzo and Claire, and again I’m crying. Why? Because it appears that Charlie has returned to his ex-girlfriend Patricia. She runs off from the reception and Charlie chases her. And again I start crying. Why? Because he loves her and she loves him, and the “Patricia” at the wedding is actually his cousin. They didn’t seem very cousin-like, but ok whatever who cares, they can be together and happy and YAY happy endings for everyone. This is why I hate chick flicks. But on the upside, at least I’m not imagining myself with someone else, it always makes me happy and appreciative of the love I have in my own life. Albert isn’t climbing balconies to get to me, he’s not showering me with jewels or flowers (though he does get little doo-dads for me now and then, or a bouquet). He’s not Romeo, he’s not riding in on a white horse in shiny tinfoil to rescue the proverbial princess, but the love we share is real. Its survived storm after storm, day in and day out, moodswing after moodswing, familial obligations and interferences galore. His hands and his body show the result of his love for me and for his family, and those things? Mean more to me than any shiny bauble he could buy.

That being said, I’m thankful this day is almost over, its been a particularly rough one, and I think I’m coming down with something. Probably another wonderful round of sinusitis, but either way whatever it is has me feeling pretty low. Looking forward to tomorrow, maybe it will be better and I won’t feel like crap.

I have known this person via SecondLife for the better part of the past year. During that time she let on that she was 28 years old, etc etc, had no children and so on, and pretty much lied about everything regarding herself. Now, you might not think that’s such a great big issue. Its just age right? Well, I thought I could let that go and move on and still continue to be her friend. It turns out she’s 38, probably older based on her appearance and the sound of her voice. She has a son, who is not biologically hers, that she claimed was her “gay roommate” all this time. She still does not know that I’m aware of this fact. Well.. she got involved with my brother in this “game”, and did him particularly dirty, playing him to keep his attentions as her “fall back” when everyone else was gone or wasn’t giving her the attention she obviously desperately craves, or when she had nothing better to do, nowhere else to be. Well, as fate would have it, her long-time lover from England came to visit back in October, even after she confessed her true age and sent him recent pictures, and she ended up pregnant. After he returned to England, he pretty much shut down. Wanting nothing to do with her, especially after finding out she was pregnant. He claimed she lied to him about being able to get pregnant.. she thought she couldn’t after all the cancer treatments she’d had to have over the last year and a half. So that brings us back to the present. After he broke things off with her, she started sniffing around my brother again, emphasizing the fact that she was not “using him as a backup”. Well, it reeks of bullshittery to me, and I call it as I see it. They had been talking for the past few weeks, and apparently things were getting a little more serious than either of them were willing to admit to me. She texted him yesterday and since he didn’t answer her right back, she starts going all bipolar manic on him, saying she guessed he wasn’t as interested in her as he let on, that she must be ugly or whatever, and that she was tired of trying so hard to keep his attention. My brother has been going through enough with his quasi-breakup/on-a-break phase with his real life girlfriend, and had been away getting something to eat. Instead of freaking out on him, my “friend”, should have been understanding of the fact that she was not the center of his universe at that given second, and should have accepted his explanation that he was away, and be glad he was actually eating for once. I wouldn’t have been privy to any of it had I not been on the phone with him when the texts came through.

It continued on and she kept saying worse and worse things, only upsetting him more, which given the person my brother is, quickly turns to anger and hurtful words. He wasn’t about to take her condescension and responded in kind. Well my friend took it upon herself to go throwing accusations of him “lying about caring about her”, which in my book, she has absolutely no right at all to look down on or accuse anyone else of lying when she was lying for an entire year and neither I or my brother turned on her because of it.

Here’s the point of it all. I have blocked and deleted her from all points of contact that she has with me, and do not care one bit to speak to her again, She and I exchanged a few messages, again being condescending towards my brother after I had already warned her a few weeks back not to. He is my blood, my brother, the only sibling I have. He and I have our issues and he does drive me nuts more times than not. But the one thing you don’t do is try to come between the two of us. And you don’t insult him. Do what you like to me, but there will be imminent rue-age if you mess with someone I love. And at the end of the day, I feel better having eliminated this energy-sucking mess from my life. Its been a constant drain on me for quite some time now. I don’t mind being there for my friends and family if they need a shoulder, but when someone is using you as a crutch, it becomes tiresome. I was willing to look past the lies and deceit, hoping that she would continue to be the good person I thought her to be, But what it boils down to is, if someone is willing to lie about something simple simply because they are unwilling or in such denial about who they have become, that they have to become someone or something else in order to accept themselves, or have others accept them, what happens when it comes to the big things? Like whether or not they are really pregnant? I personally don’t even believe she was/is pregnant, I think she was simply doing what thousands of other women have done since the beginning of time, using pregnancy to get attention and keep a man. Simple as that.

This is not so much a “this is what I’m thankful for” post, but more a “Yay I’m freeing myself of the chains that bind.” I have stated it a million times, I cannot abide a liar. I cannot abide a hypocrite to an even greater extent. Its one thing to lie to others. Its another to lie to yourself, others, and then criticize them for being as you are. In conclusion, I leave you all with the words of Polonius, Hamlet Act 1 Scene 3

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Being the first post, I’ll start it off with saying that the feeling of drowning prior to Christmas, that gnawing feeling of dread that greeted each day as I awoke, seems to be dissipating. Odd, since its happened so much sooner than I expected it to. Maybe I’m in a less-depressed phase and will sink again in a week or three, I don’t know. All I know is that right now is going much better. The same lather/rinse/repeat problems are going on, but they don’t seem to be bothering me nearly as bad as they were. The integral part of this is, honestly, the love of a good man. Reconnecting and really spending time together, even if all we’re doing is playing WoW together really helps to keep my spirits up… makes the dark that threatens to swallow me sometimes not feel so lonely. There have been many times when it has felt as though no one else could even see anything wrong with me. I don’t talk about it, I don’t like people knowing anything is wrong because I don’t want pity, and I don’t want to be “the drama queen with the depression issues”. But I’ve spent so long NOT addressing it when it happens, not sharing, and then I end up worse off than I was. How many times has he really seen it? And how many times has he sat there feeling helpless to do anything about it, make it better, make it go away? But not once has he thrown it in my face when I’ve had a bad phase, not once has he turned his back on me or went elsewhere when I didn’t want anyone touching me, let alone hugging or otherwise. No, he’s stood beside me throughout everything, no matter what. Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve someone that good to me. We don’t have alot of money left over to do things with, we don’t have a fancy car, house, or clothes.. but what we do have is more real, and cannot be bought with money. Its like a sword, folded a few thousand times and tempered to withstand the bloodiest battles. And for that? I am thankful. I could not get through each and every day without my husband.

Water is suppose to be a time to nourish, a way to replenish and recover from the heat accompanying Fire. For me, I think that the floating candles we used at our last Circle was indicative of how that particular time would go for me. Simply floating along awaiting Earth to come back around. Relaxation in preparation for the stress, aggravation, frustration and general malaise that comes along with this time of year.

We are already in the Earth quarter of the year, although I think that it may have asserted itself much earlier this year. What time many of us have had to be social, we’ve spent “going to ground” as it were, in the metaphorical sense. It’s much colder this year in December than it normally is, or perhaps I’m only feeling it more this year, I really couldn’t say. It normally doesn’t feel this cold until late January/early February. Earth being directly opposite of Fire could perhaps have something to do with that. This particular time of year is the time the Earth uses to revitalize and prepare itself for the coming Spring and return of Air, life, and renewal. It is the season of advanced age, or the elderly, which many of us associate with death, or nearing the end of life. That too, is suitable, given the difficulties of life during the holiday season.

This is the first elemental transition I spent without my Full Circle family. I actually find it a bit sad, and miss you all terribly, but moreso with the lack of our monthly gathering. Earth rules over introspection, and of that, I feel I have done more than my fair share. This little family we have established, while its true that I’m still not 100% confident or self-assure when asked to call a quarter, I have never felt more myself, more accepted for who I am, and I’ve never seen more unconditional love than while I’ve had the privilege to be a part of it. As in my last post about what this year has brought in relation to Christmas and my personal life, I’m most likely going to be dealing with this depression for some time, but at least with my family, I know I can get through it. How does that relate to Earth? Earth is the Mother, from which we all have come. Mother means compassion, caring, where you come from, your origins, your base. What keeps you stable, grounded, until Air returns and lifts you back up again. Mother is, in many cases, the basis around which the family is formed. Depending on your particular belief, man is created of the earth, and upon death, is returned to it.

So, as I continue plodding along, I am determined to carry with me not only the lessons Earth has to bring, but also the lessons learned from Air, Fire and Water from this past year’s Element Walk. While I might at times feel like there literally is no way back into the light, it cannot remain dark forever. I will not always feel like this, and at some point in the future, I will be reunited with my Full Circle family. In the meantime, I shall be as the Earth. Solid, strong, unmovable. Love and light to you all!

http://llufcircle.wordpress.com/